A reverse in the journey today!

Dear Ones,

I need to share with you that I've learned a hard lesson and God has brought me to my knees!! I've been walking through the "fire" since I wrote last week. Aug. 24th....even after a week since my last fill up (Aug. 17th). I have been cutting back to 2 pain pills a day, 12 Ibuprofen and a sleeping pill.... and I'm in pain! It's like a knife cutting under my arm. The expander feels like it it's rubbing me raw. So Dr. Baker had me come in today to do a "reverse" by TAKING OUT 50 cc's out of each side today to relieve the pressure. Never would have thought I'd be in reverse!

I'm humbled and embarrassed to admit my thoughts about anti-depressants and people who took them!! God's teaching me a lesson to NEVER judge anyone needing antidepression meds. I pray I've learned this lesson and can some how help others who might have chronic pain.

Until Sunday I had never admitted the possiblilty I could be depressed... and even had trouble getting my mind around it that I was depressed! Is that foolish pride or what? Lord forgive me!!

Two things happened to help me realize I needed help. First, my sister Linda had a friend in St. Louis who went through this 20 yrs ago. For several weeks Linda had been encouraging me to talk to Joni. Oh my goodness....I wish I had sooner. While taking with Joni....I heard the words..."the best thing that helped me with the pain was an antidepressant"!!

Then Sunday evening, I dropped an e.mail to Dr. Mindy Haws ....a sweet family friend who is a plastic surgeon in Nashville. She e.mailed me back yesterday morning. I asked her if she thought (I was going to ask my plastic Dr. here in Denver today when I went in) an antidepressant might help and explain I really didn't like the idea of taking them. Her comment did help me look at it differently. She said...you know you never expected God to alleviate your pain , ( I do know He could) with out the help of medication. We all give lip service to depression/anxiety being a medical or physiological problem yet when it comes time for help, it's typical to say "Not me, I don't need that." The same person who would never turn down insulin if they were a diabetic or pain pills, if they hurt, will fight medications for physchologial imbalance. She said....being a positive thinking person has nothing to do with what your brain levels of serotonin are or how they are affected by a general anesthetic, bilateral mastecomies, and 2 months of constant pain and narcotic use. So today Dr. Baker gave me a prescription for Zoloft. Thanks Mindy for helping me to understand that!

Next time you are talking with God about us... please pray:
1.That the Zoloft can help with the pain.
2. That I don't have to see a pain Dr...... Dr. Baker want's me to see one if I can't make it on the Percocet I have now.....have enough for 16 days at 2 per day.
3.That the next 21 days will fly by until my surgery.

It's hard to find better words to express to you how much each and everyone of you mean to us....the prayers, e.mails, cards and gifts help make life bearable.

I'm so blessed to have such an AWESOME LIFE MATE! Lloyd came in with roses for me this evening. This has been such a hard summer for him also....please keep whispering his name to God in your prayers too!!

Haley, our 8 year old granddaughter brought me some sweet gifts the other day....bought with her own money :} The sweetest one was a small ceramic bunny, that she had made and painted this summer! She had printed on her lined piece of paper and taped it to the bunny....ANGELS ARE WATCHING OVER YOU! That's what I always pray with them when they spend the night and are ready for bed. My heart was hugged by her sweet gift AND ESPECIALLY THE NOTE.... something that I will treasure forever!!What a blessing she is!

I have so missed being in the Lord's house on Sundays. Sunday my devotional was so special....a day I was really struggling...It was intitled "IS He Listening?" A part of it said:
When we pray, we may not see how God is working or understand how He will bring good though it all. So we have to trust Him. We relinquish our rights and let God do what is best.
We must leave the unknowable to the all-knowing One. He is listening and working things our His way! Not ours to know the reason why...Unanswered is our prayer....But ours to wait for God's own time....To lift the cross we bear.....When we bend our knees to pray....God bends His ear to listen....Dave Branon!!

I'm trusting God to use my life in the way He knows best!!

Trusting Him,
Donna